Those Bastards

Tomorrow is Thursday.

I HATE Thursday mornings.

Do I have to get earlier than usual? No.

Is the weather looking bad? No.

Do I have a punish of a client who is going moan and winge through every second of their workout? No – got rid of them.

No, my problem with Thursdays is far more serious.

It fills me with dread, despair and frustration, but ultimately anger.

My problem is S.E.Ds

Or Sweaty Embarrassing Dickheads.

Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about.

You know the guys who eat shit everyday, drink like a fish and then think the best course of action to remedy the associated health issues with their lifestyle is to buy a push-bike that costs more than their first car, some matching lycra to highlight their gut and those shoes. Expensive ‘special’ shoes.

Those shoes…that clat on the floor as they walk. ‘Special’ shoes that clip onto the pedal to make you go faster.

Because the shoe would make more difference than the 10kgs they would loose by not not constantly eating shit.

Every Thursday morning my favourite coffee shop is filled by a plague of SEDs.

The whole cafe filled with their clatting, talk of the new ‘expensive’ push bike that is coming out and their sweaty lycra.

If I time my morning coffee run wrongly…I will be waiting for an extra 20 minutes as all of their orders are filled.


But what irks me the most…more than the extra wait, the sweat, the talk and the SHOES…is the exercise in futility I have to bear witness too every Thursday.

None of them look in reasonable shape…well one does, but he’s so skinny I can imagine he feels like a coat hanger to the touch.

It’s the mentality of: “abuse my body for 6 days week, then don my lycra for a single 30 minute ride, pull up at the cafe for the 45 minutes to talk complete bollocks and eat my way through two chocolate brownies because I need to ‘re-fuel’ after having just done the punishing ‘Tour De Bronte’.”

They get no results. They embarrass themselves, their family and offend my delicate morning sensibilities with their attire.

Now don’t get me wrong, some cyclists are dedicated.

They ride, seriously and with focus, 4-7 times a week.

They may even genuinely need a bicycle you need to re-mortgage the house to buy.

But not these SEDs.

No, definitely an example of “All the gear, no idea.”

My plea to you…

Don’t be one of those guys.

Act now before it’s too late.